I’ve ranted a lot about jargon in the past and how using it signals membership of a club that a lot of people are excluded from.

So, I thought I should put my money where my mouth is and give you a quick glossary of some of the more unusual terms I’ve come across (or coined) over the past 15 years.

Happy Friday.

1. Preparation Anxiety

This phenomenon occurs when experts are reluctant to warm up, or cut superfluous details from their presentation or event talk. This is usually because doing so would push them out of their comfort zone and they don’t like the idea of changing their behaviour if it will affect their credibility among their peers. Preparation anxiety is experienced by speakers but its impact is most keenly felt among audiences who just want them to identify their point and get to it.

2. Beige-hoser

A speaker, interviewee or LinkedIn poster who subjects a reluctant audience to a torrent of self-assured, bland and deeply unmemorable commentary or talking points. Beige-hosing is already widespread on LinkedIn and 24 hour cable news channels that have a content void to fill. But it is expected to reach tsunami levels as generative AI encourages a whole new generation of would-be thought leaders to sieve and share their uninteresting opinions into 300 words of even more forgettable prose.  

3. Ink Clouding

Also known as ‘Doing the Octopus’. This one is from a press officer at the European Parliament, whose name I have sadly forgotten. Octopuses blast predators with ink when scared. Substitute jargon for ink and so do EP press officers who want to deter a journalist from pursuing a potential story. To be clear, ink-clouding is only acceptable if you are trying to discourage media attention. Unfortunately, judging from most of the press output in Brussels, many organisations seem to think ink-clouding is a viable strategy for getting onto the front page of the FT.

4. Jackson Pollocking

This came from friend and veteran PR, Nick Lunt. Jackson Pollocking is when coverage-desperate PRs spray their client’s ego-driven press release out to their entire mailing list of 50,000 journalists in the hope that one will pick it up and find something coherent and meaningful among all the mess. We’ve all been there.  Nick also refers to trade media outlets as ‘fridge magnet media’ as they frequently have the same level of impact.

5. The Shit Sandwich

Sometimes, there are no good answers for a spokesperson doing a tough media interview. And the only way not to answer one of their company’s red line questions is to package up something terrible and offer it to the journalist as a thinly disguised response. Neither of them will enjoy the experience but it’s better than doing the alternative, which usually ends up with the off-script spokesperson buried in concrete underneath the CEO’s back garden.

These are my favourite and most used terms.

What other PR jargon should I know about?